Monday, April 27, 2015

Exercise Diary: Being afraid

Today was the first time I went back running after my first road run of the year.  That road run was hard, in that my legs were sore for days afterwards that made me feel like I had not done any running at all since I stopping running outside last year.

The weather never got warm enough to run outside again but I had not done any running otherwise.  Life happened and I used that as an excuse to not go.  I was sleep deprived so every day when I got home all I wanted to do was take a nap.  Last week I was overwhelmed with work stuff that I decided to focus on my diet instead of spending hours after work going to the gym.  I did manage to shake off a few stubborn pounds by eating very little in the evenings and very early.  I told myself that if I feel lighter I would have an easier time exercising.

My parens came 2 weeks ago and brought a bunch of stuff that I didn't get to take with me when I got back from my winter vacation.  With two more suitcases in my room I no longer had space to roll out my yoga mat so I didn't do any other exercises either besides running.

All of this was fueled by the fact that even when I had the time and energy to go to the gym and run a few miles, I was afraid that I would get tired, or that it was take up too much time before and after (like now; I got home before 10 and now it's 10:40 and I still haven't showered or changed).  It's not just putting on my gym clothes and go running.  It's making sure that I'm not too full or too hungry before I go, the stretching and doing other exercise videos after coming home, the writing of the blog, and the constant debate of whether I should eat something because on the one hand I feel that I deserve food after exercise but on the other hand I really don't deserve that much food.  It's not like I ran a marathon or something.

Life finally went back to normal for a bit.  On Friday we assembled the graded exams which took up a lot of my time last week.  I had a very relaxed and unproductive weekend which made me slightly guilty but at the same time absolutely happy.  I ate way too much over the weekend because of an awesome shopping trip to Trader Joe's, and all of these culminated to my determination and actual execution of going to the gym.  I wasn't very hard on myself and only did 2 miles.  I stopped because my legs were tired.  They felt tight and sore and I thought I would allow myself some time to get back into the load I was doing before.  After coming home I did Cassey Ho's new squat challenge video which was a very intense few minutes but felt absolute heaven.  I need to clear out my room so I could have enough space to do other videos later but hopefully today was a nice beginning of getting back into my old workout routine.  It's almost May and this month has gone so quickly in so many ways while being so slow in other, but I don't think I will see a significant change in my body shape when I'm ready to take a new picture of myself.  I'm not terribly worried, but I would like to change faster.

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